| My brother is five years younger than me and in the process of getting his drivers license. The other day he said "you know, by the time im your age your going to be 26". Holy shit. Its just math, but that concept is crazy. Sixteen and even eighteen were such comfort zone for me, I knew that the next four five years i'd be in school somewhere doing something, it didn't really matter where or what it was. But now, now I have no idea what im going to do or who is going to be in my life, or where im going to be. All I can say is FUCK. I can remember five years ago picture perfectly. These next five years are in our total control, every success and every failure. Its empowering and fucking terrifying.
These last two months have been crazy. I think I have been under more stress and more rollercoaster's than all of last year. I've decided that this year is going to be all about instincts. Finally just letting myself do what my gut tells me to. No more second guessing or hesitation. No doubt, no regrets. I am scared of a life of 'what if's'. I've really learned that everything you do, no matter how stupid, makes your character grow (sorry for the corniness). Learning the hard way is sometimes the best way.
Im a firm believer in whatever happens happens, I don't like to force things that weren't meant to be. I always thought that I was just 'letting things be' but im slowly learning I was just blocking them from happening. Im just scared shitless. Everyone justifies their actions to themselves, but I think I was doing it to the millionth degree. From friends, boys to career choices I think that instead of letting things happen, I was just making sure they didn't happen so you couldn't fail or get hurt. No more of that. Whatever happens happens, but you have to let them happen first.
ok, I think im done with the gushy life babble. Its funny because elders always tell you these life lessons but until its clicked in your head you don't realize how right they are. It JUST clicked for me. Crazy.
and for those of you that have had to deal with me in February, im sorry. I know I have been more tweaky and annoying that usual. I promise im in a better mood =)
on a side note i wish my name was delilah because then i would have the best song. 'hey there delilah', listen to it, its so cute. actually, i wish my name was julie, alice, constantine or other names in really sweet songs. ok, this is a whole other issue hehe. |
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| poo, i just made myself sick eating to many gummy worms. my tummy hurts.  |
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| hello matties!
so, whats cookin good lookin? whos with who? who moved? who has a funny story? inform me please!
i'll be posting pictures soon once i figure out how to. help please? 
heeps of love
kat
ps. i have a confession, though i haven't updated in days i complusivly check your xanga entries. lol. |
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| this is kathy signing out. im retiring this sucker. |
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| i have always dreamed about saying "fuck it" to everything..to drop outta school, get out of danville and move away to hawaii or something like that. then i would love to live my life month to month working odd end jobs (ie. working on a boat, hotels, on the beach..feeding the fish haha), whatever it takes to get by but at the same time never knowing what will happen the next month.
lately this urge has been commin up more than ever. |
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